5 Tips for Disclosing Your Past to Your Present Lover

If you're a single adult in the dating world, chances are that you have a dating past. Regardless of how plain or colorful your dating history is, disclosing it to your current lover can be a sensitive issue. Here are some simple tips and guidelines to make the process easier.

Tip #1 - Timing is Everything

When it comes to disclosing your past to your current lover timing can play a very large role. At MatchEdge, one of the most popular online dating sites, they've found that certain things are more import to disclose sooner than others.

For example, if you're divorced or separated that's something you want to bring up early on. It doesn't have to be the first date, but a good rule of thumb would be to disclose that sort of information by the third date.

On the other hand, if you've never been married but have had several sexual partners, that's probably something you want to discuss only after you get to know your lover a little better. As they say, "It's not usually appropriate first date conversation."

Tip #2 - The Devil is in the Details

Once you have decided that you are ready to disclose your past to your present lover, it's probably a good idea to spear him/her the details. Usually people don't really care to hear a detailed explanation of your sexual escapades. A good rule of thumb is to skip all the details unless if you are specifically asked for them.

Tip #3 - A Sensitive Issue

Chances are that if you're nervous about disclosing your sexual past to your current lover, they are just as anxious to hear about it. It's important to remember that your current lover may experience feelings of insecurity or jealousy. To help ease your current lover through this, try not to show too much emotion during the discussion. You should probably steer clear of discussing how you felt. Instead, try simply stating what you've done.

Tip #4 - Don't Fall for Traps

If you're having these types of discussions with your current lover, you should know if they are the jealous type or not. To ward off the green eyed monster, you may want to tread carefully. Once you are done disclosing the information, you want to steer clear of what I call traps. Traps are questions that are innocently disguised but may lead to hurt, anger or jealousy on your partners end. You'll recognize these traps because the questions will usually be about feelings or thoughts and they will be linked to a person. For example, "Have you done xyz" is a very different question from, "Do you still think about xyz with so-and-so?"

Tip #5 -Reap the Rewards

If you are serious about your current lover, sharing this information will allow them to know you better, while giving you and your lover a stronger bond. At MatchEdge, they've found that the relationships that have less secrets between them tend to be stronger than those who keep secrets.

Remember, no one can ever fault you for being honest with them. Regardless of what your sexual past holds, it's a part of who you are. If your current lover is a keeper, they will be glad that you had enough faith and confidence in them to share such an intimate part of yourself. Good luck and happy sharing!

Maria is America's hottest dating coach. For years she has been showing singles how to meet and be successful at the dating game.

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