I think that most guys would probably agree that the most difficult part of the whole dating and seduction scene is just getting to meet more women. Everything starts there. If you meet more women, you get more phone numbers. If you get more numbers, you get more dates. If you get more dates, you get more practice. You get more success. You get more girlfriends and more... you know. Action.
It's a steady progression from one critical point.
Men just need more confidence in their ability to meet women. This article will give you some of the root strategies in getting to meet women in different circumstances. The approaches will break down each situation into the essential ingredients. This isn't your usual "be confident and just ask her" advice. I'm going to give you specific goals, opportunities, dangers, approaches, and analytical details of each situation.
Consider this an intensive class in meeting women and getting to the first - and most critical - step in the dating game.
Have a seat and let's get started...
Hot and Cold
Each situation where you can meet a woman will range from either "hot," meaning that it begins with a certain amount of familiarity and trust between you and her, or it is "cold," meaning that it is a situation where neither of you know anything about the other.
An example of a Hot contact would be a date setup where you both have friends in common, such as a blind date. A Cold contact would be a woman you run into at the post office that you know nothing about.
When you have a choice, you want the Hot contacts. Unfortunately, these will be less frequent than the Cold contacts, so you need to hone your skills at turning the Cold ones into Hot ones. These approaches will be the fire to heat them for you.
And always remember that your attitude and confidence is much more important than the wording. How you say it is much more important than WHAT you say. If you come across as a self-confident man who isn't intimidated by women, she is going to be naturally attracted to you. It's a built-in mechanism that is your best friend when it boils down to the moment you walk up to her. A self-confident man makes her feel secure, and implies you are trustable.
And now, let's go into the approaches.
Situation 1: Grocery Store
Description:
You're at any grocery store, and you see a petite gal feeling up the chicken breasts in the frozen foods.
Goals:
Phone number and/or email. (Your chances of getting laid from a trip to the Safeway are pretty slim, Cowboy. Set your sights accordingly.)
Opportunities:
Women put some thought into their grocery shopping, so you have many opportunities to engage in conversation about something they're looking at. They really ponder their choices. And, you can take as long as you want to shop and flirt because there are new people coming and going every minute. Take a little while to do a little product research while you're there.
Dangers:
You should be shopping with at least a basket or cart. If you've only come in to grab a bottle of wine and leave, you may have to be more forward, because you won't look as natural. Another danger is that not many people are taking a relaxed and luxurious trip to the grocery. They usually want to shop their list, get rung up, and leave. You have to find a way into her attention zone.
Approach:
There are many ways you can get yourself introduced. One of the best ways is also one of the slyest, and I'll bet most people have never even thought of it: Put something you're buying into her cart. Then just stand there and point out your error when you want to talk.
"Oh, wow, I'm just so overwhelmed with the choices for split-pea soup that I just helped you buy some, too. You don't have to thank me. I do this for all the shoppers."
Or, "Whoops. I was about to put something healthy in your basket by mistake, but it looks like you might need it for real. Are you really going to eat that stuff? Come with me, girl. We're going to the fresh food section."
Another approach is to run into her with your cart. Hey, I never said you had to be sophisticated. You just accidentally have a head-on collision with her cart. The trick of this maneuver is that you make it appear as if it were her fault.
"Whoah! Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask to see your license and proof of insurance. I think I've got whiplash."
Or, "Hey, are you the one that always runs into my car in the parking lot, too? I've finally caught you!'
You should definitely make it a point to shop around the wine section for a while. There is a lot of conversational opportunity here, and women love wine. Let the chumps shop for beer, you're here for the ladies.
"Excuse me, do you know if you're supposed to have white whine with chicken?" And she'll say, yes. "What about with Cheerios?"
Or, "Do you know what the difference is between a Syrah and a Merlot?" She'll try to explain, but it's always a very subtle difference. "Oh, I see. So you must be one of those people who stomps grapes in her basement, huh?"
Details:
If you're still in your work attire (a tie and suit), relax it a little. Look like you're a snappy dresser, but feel free to lose the tie and put it in a pocket. If you're dressed in your best camouflage pants and Oakland Raiders jersey... smack yourself up the back of the head and go get dressed. Your rule number one is to always go out dressed to meet the next gal you're going to bring home.
Remember this:
You don't have to dress up in a tuxedo, but for gosh sakes, make sure whatever you're wearing is appropriate to the situation. For a grocery store, you can even show up in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, but you better make it all look stylish and neat. Wear a decent pair of shoes (not your ratty Converse hi-tops) and a belt. Make sure your shirt isn't wrinkled, and your jeans don't look like they've been chewed up in the gears of your mountain bike.
Also, don't ever go to the grocery store with a wingman. You'll look gay.
Situation 2: Coffee House
Description:
You're at your local Starbucks or coffee house, either waiting in line with the rest of the drones to order and pay, or adding your sugar and treatments to it. Ms. Hardbody is in line for her dose of java.
Goals:
Again, a phone number and/or email. Unless this is a first meeting from another contact, you are probably only going to be able to seek the ability to follow up and see her again.
Opportunities:
There are so many people who get their coffee in the morning, late-morning, noon, early afternoon, late afternoon, early evening ... you'll never have a shortage of women to approach.
Dangers:
People can be very serious about their java fix. You need to watch out for the moody ones in the morning. Beware smiling or being too joyful as you might risk seeming annoyingly happy - and unrealistic. You'll seem fake.
You may also be intimidated by the crowd of people in line. But rest assured that you don't have to even ask her for her number in the store. You can always follow her outside and finish your close there, away from prying eyes.
Approach:
The first approach requires you to be in line somewhere near her. Listen to her order, if she's in front of you. If it's interesting, consider ordering the same thing, and then telling her, "You know, what you ordered sounded so good, I had to try it out. But if it sucks, I'm going to ask for a refund from you. Cool? Okay, then." Just beware making it sound like you were a copycat for any other reason than you needed to try something different. Not because you were trying to impress her.
If she's behind you in line, make it a point to let a few people get in front of you as you "try to decide what you want." When she gets right behind you, you say, "Okay, I need to know what they've got here that's good. Do you have any idea? If you give me a good hint, I'll let you get in front of me, too. Just none of those weird teas, okay?"
Details:
Almost anything goes in this situation. Again, your dress code should be as casual as work allows, but everyone expects everyone else to be dressed for work. It helps to frequent the same coffee places for a while so you can get a sense of who shows up at what times. Alternate locations so that you cannot appear too familiar to any of the women, and in case you do pick up on one, you don't have to worry about other women recognizing you as "that guy who picks up women at the coffee shop." You might also want to bring a friend as a wingman in this situation.
Check out Parts 2-5 of this "class" series for more situational techniques for meeting women.
Well, I've covered a great deal of material for you to practice and use. The critical part of this exercise, however, is that you MUST practice and use it. These skills do no one any good if you just read them, and the next time you meet a girl you walk up and blank out. Sit down and memorize the words you'll need, so that when the time comes, you won't have to worry about stage fright or any other fears blocking your real goal: getting her phone number. Everything starts there.
Now get out there and put it to use! Class dismissed!
- Carlos Xuma
Click here for more on reading body language and a free e-book... You can also get free videos and a newsletter on dating tips for guys.
Subscribe to the Charlotte Observer.