Have you recently broken up with your lover and spend your time thinking of nothing else? Have conversations in your head that start off with "Why did we break up? What happened?" and then eventually end with "I want my lover back"?
If so don't despair there is a way to get back with your lover.
There are thousands of people feeling exactly like you do at the moment and it's not a comfortable place to be. It's a lonely and confusing phase to be going through. You can go from confused to angry to depressed in the space of a few minutes.
Trying to think rationally with such a wide range of emotions charging through your body is almost impossible.
I found one of the worst things is how everybody keeps asking how you are. Sometimes I sense their happiness in my misery. And of course you have to answer that you're okay, have your moments but are bearing up. You know full well if you said to them "Not well at all, I just want my lover back" they would say something inane like "be strong" or "get over it" or "you're better off this way - trust me" - don't you wish they would leave you alone?
So what do you do?
The best thing to do is pour it all out to yourself. I found writing things down helped. Yes my note book was my sounding board.
I started off with everything I liked about my ex and then all the things I didn't. What I would like to see changed or improved.
And then I did the same for my own character. Writing down the things I though my ex liked and disliked and then the things that I could improve on.
And then a list of all our separate interests and joint interests, the goals we shared and our feelings towards each others families. I even wrote down our favourite TV programs.
It was an interesting exercise.
Firstly it took my mind off trying to get back together for the time being.
Secondly it was a good insight into what really caused the break-up. I was convinced it wasn't that stupid argument at the end. That was merely the final straw.
Thirdly it helped me decide and confirm that I do want my lover back.
Fourthly I realized that my emotions were a bit more under control. I was still hurting but the roller coaster had stopped.
Finally the notes made me realize that we were both equally at "fault". Actually I had to admit to myself that I was probably totally at fault for the way I behaved which in turn triggered my ex's behaviour.
The list definitely got me to think a lot more rationally and resulted in me seeing the other side f the story. I was also convinced that my ex was hurting too and probably wanted me back as well.
The next step was to figure out a strategy, a plan that I could follow in a controlled and rational way that had a good chance of getting us together again.
I was against phoning and leaving messages or stalking in any way. That simply smacked of desperation and if we were going to get together again I wouldn't want to get back with a desperate person. I thought my ex would feel the same and would be happier with the confident, happy easy going person I was when we first met.
Once I had my plan in place I followed it to the letter. It took me four weeks before we even went on a date. We had met weekly for half an hour at a time for a "casual" coffee where we discussed other things besides our relationship. Part of my plan was to keep everything light and upbeat just as it was when we first met.
We've been seeing each other a bit more regularly for the past three months and if anything the slow progress has been more stimulating and increased my feelings more than I could have hoped for.
Yes I still want my lover back and I am pleased to say that I know I will succeed. If you are in the same boat try writing things down so you can see them more clearly. It worked for me.
Arnold Kolodziej uses his previous work experience to help people in all walks of life to solve personal problems. If you would like to find a way to get back with your ex visit Second Chance where you will find the help you are looking for. It's worth fighting for isn't it?
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