In earlier articles I discussed the potential dangers in Online Dating and the things to do to avoid being scammed or worse. Now its time to tell you how to have a great time while Web Dating, and how to be really successful at it. Since the website I co-own is specifically aimed at Western Guys meeting Chinese Women, many of these pointers are specifically aimed at guys who are interested in Asian and Chinese Women, but I think they can generally be applied to any women anywhere. But do remember this is about Online Dating for people seriously interested in a long term relationship, not about cyber sex or cheap thrills. If that's what you're interested in you're reading the wrong article.
TIPS
1. Focus on the Things you Really Want in a Woman
Here's some interesting stuff gleaned from a Peoples Magazine poll (admittedly a few years back).
What men saw as the most important single criteria in the woman they are seeking:
1. Sincerity (14%)
2. Sense of humor (11%)
3. A good body (9%)
4. Intelligence (8%)
5. Nice eyes (8%)
6. Ambition (6%)
7. A nice butt (5%)
8. A nice smile (4%)
9. Over 100 other features each of which ranked lower than 1%.
Women were slightly less shallow, but not much. Here is their list:
1. Sense of humor (25%)
2. Sincerity (13%)
3. Nice eyes (9%)
4. Nice smile (8%)
5. Good body (7%)
6. Intelligence (5%)
7. Height (4%)
8. Ambition (4%)
9. A nice butt (1%).
What does this tell you? Mostly it tells you that you aren't the only shallow guy out there who thinks that a woman's body is more important than her brains and her butt is more important than her smile. So relax, stop feeling guilty about what you really want in a woman, and just keep telling everyone it is the twinkle in her eye that you adore when it's really the size (or shape) of her breasts.
The point of web dating, besides trying to find someone to become your lifemate, is to have fun, to meet people easily, to experiment in a safety zone, and to find the women that really interest you while weeding out the rest before you go through the expense and pain of actually dating them in the real world. If large breasts are your primary interest in any woman you would ever wish to marry, then look through the thousands of available profiles for the girls with large breasts. Just don't tell her that's how you're narrowing the field. Of course it was the intelligence in her eyes that drew you to her.
The point is you don't have to feel guilty or bad about your inner thoughts. Don't hurt people in the process, don't cause pain, but feel free to pursue what you really want, not what is deemed politically or socially correct.
2. Play the Field
You aren't cheating on her by also chatting with other Chinese Women on the same website, at least not until you've come to believe she is the one for you and you've made a serious commitment to her. Meanwhile, you're internet dating for crying out loud, you've never met her yet, touched her, even had dinner with her. This is the time to enjoy the chance to meet as many ladies as possible to ensure you find the one who is most compatible with you. Just be fair about it and let her enjoy the same opportunity. If, after lots of interplay with lots of people, she narrows it down to you, and you have narrowed it down to her, then you have a real chance at success.
3. Dress Yourself Up a Bit
This is your chance to put your best foot forward. Have some great (natural looking) photos taken of yourself. Put on your best clothes. Just like in real life, first impressions are lasting impressions. If she knows you can dress up and look good when the need arises, she's far less likely to hold it against you that sometimes (maybe most of the time) you look like the cat just dragged you in.
Here are a few "photo" tips:
(a) Your Primary Photo (the one that shows on the search pages and is first on your profile) is the first thing she will see of you - that is the one to really impress her with. So, that one should clearly show your face, smiling or cheerful, neat and trim, wearing a decent shirt. If you really wish to impress her, on the primary photo forget the following:
* the photo of you naked showing your magnificent torso (Chinese women don't care if you have a great body, they care about you being a good man).
* the photo of your private parts is not going to be seen on a Quality Online Dating site, but it is going to get huge laughs from the staff before they reject it.
* the one with you on your Harley is okay as a third or fourth photo, but fist show her you can dress in a manner that she'll not be ashamed to be seen with you, or take you home to meet the family.
* neat, clean, tidy but casual is a winner everytime.
4. Be Careful About Misunderstandings
You are going to have misunderstandings sometimes, especially if she is from a different culture than you, a Chinese Woman for example. You need to be patient and thoughtful about things she writes. So often something in the written word has a totally different meaning than if it is spoken face to face. "You are fat" in writing means you are fat, and it is kind of insulting, right? But if a woman says "you are fat" to your face with a great big adoring smile, then it may mean "you are fantastic" (one of the slang meanings of "fat"), or it at least means you are a tiny bit overweight but she absolutely adores you and finds it hugely attractive. But add in that she is Chinese, and it can also mean you are overweight and that means you are healthy and happy and you will enjoy her cooking, because traditionally the Chinese feel that if their husband is fat they are taking good care of him. So look for the best meaning in everything, and if you can't find one, then say flat out "you just insulted me, did you mean to do that?" and give her a chance to explain and straighten it out. Don't sit there with hurt feelings.
5. Take a Deep Breath
You are dating on you computer. Chances are that you don't know squat even about your own computer. I co-own a major dating website and I still never have a day go by that my own computer doesn't do something unexpected and baffling, such as suddenly not showing pictures. And at least once a day I want to take my computer and throw it off my balcony (and I am on the 9th floor). If she is an Asian woman, chances are very good that she knows even less than you about computers. In fact if she knows too much about computers she better have a good reason - otherwise you should be worried that she is a scammer.
The point is that you will have occasions when things go wrong on your computer or hers, and it takes time to get it corrected, often a day or two for your computer geek friend, or hers, to come and figure it out. In addition, sometimes the website you are members on has a glitch, or is under construction for a few hours, or their server is down, or your provider is down, etc. When this stuff happens, take a deep breath and be patient. If she is right for you and is truly interested in you, then she is sitting on the other side of the problem also anxiously waiting to chat with you again. Relax and go have a beer or coffee with the boys, who have been wondering where you disappeared to for the last 8 days.
6. Don't Be Afraid To Show Your Humor, But Have a Thick Skin
The point of a relationship is to enjoy it, so if you are the kind of guy who loves to joke around, then joke around. But remember that a joke spoken is often hilarious but a joke written is often flat as the proverbial pancake. And also remember that what is funny to a Western man may not be funny to an Asian girl. She may not get the subtext. So don't be offended if she "just doesn't get it".
Chinese and Asian women generally love to joke and laugh and have fun, but it may take a while before either of you "get" the other one's joke. Never be insulted if she fails to laugh.
7. Do Unto Others
Online dating is no different than any other form of human interaction in that common decency is a fundamental requirement. The Golden Rule is always applicable. Treat her the way you wish to be treated by her. If you feel good about yourself and the way you are treating the Chinese or Asian women you are "web dating" you will enjoy the experience, and on the rare occasion when she is not good to you, you will simply realize you were lucky her true colors came out, dump her and move on to the ones who are good to you. No need to feel hurt or unhappy about it, if this was regular dating you might have spent a fortune on her before you found out she is not a good person.
8. Be Open and Honest
In spite of what was said in #1 above, and further to what was said in #2 above, always be open and honest about the really important things. You are looking for your lifemate. How will you know if you have found her if you aren't honest with her. Online Dating is about meeting lots of women, Asian or Chinese if that is your preference, getting to know them, and slowly narrowing them down to the one you want to be with forever. If you are not open and honest you simply will never achieve your goal because you will end up with someone who thinks you are someone you are not, and that is not a relationship that can last forever.
John Abbot (nom de plume), is co-owner of a http://www.ChinaLoveMatch.net, a Quality Online Dating site. Married to a lovely Chinese Lady, and living in China, John knows and respects Chinese Women, Chinese People and Chinese Culture. For more good stuff on Online Dating, Chinese Women, International Relationships and Things Chinese go to http://www.ChinaLoveMatch.net and click on CLM eMagazine.
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